NHS-Factor

I was feeling ill, so I called the Doctor. 
Calls cost £1.20 a minute from a BT landline. 
Other providers may vary. 
Calls from mobiles will be significantly higher. 
All part of the new initiative to make more money. 
Vote for your favourite GP - least votes is out Sunday night. 

He sent me for tests. 
First, they tested my capacity to sacrifice. 
Gave me an appointment in the middle of a work day. 
Told me I’d have to choose between money and health. 
I can afford to lose neither. 

Second, they tested my patience. 
Sat by the Costa Coffee 
(they blitzkrieged the League of Friends Shop after the bill) 
for four hours. Running late, they say. Emergencies, they say. 
All I see are empty beds, clean wards 
and patients with no money being turned away. 
5:30 now…Could have come after work. 
Didn’t need to take a day off. 

Then they tested my health. 
The consultant gazed at a piece of paper, perplexed. 
“I apologise…” he said “but your test has come back negative.
Your finances are awful, you simply can’t afford to have your cancer removed.” 
It’s a big cancer too - Fills both the House of Commons and the House of Lords. 

Felt depressed, so asked to see a therapist.
They asked why I was depressed, so I told them. 
“I can’t afford to have my cancer removed” 
They gave me a pamphlet on suicide. 
Told me it was best for everyone. 
They gave me another pamphlet 
for a funeral director owned by the same man 
who owns the healthcare company 
that owns this hospital. 
Funny that. 

Was angry with my GP so made several more phone calls. 
Got him voted out on Sunday. 
This is life, now.